Adult children find out that their aging parents need help getting their affairs in order when something small happens such as a senior forgetting to pay an electric bill for two months or a senior having a fall and being admitted to the hospital for a night. No one knows who the senior’s health care surrogate is or who will manage the senior’s finances when they can no longer manage them.

Many adult children find themselves helping their parents to get their affairs in order. Usually this is a stressful situation but it can go much more smoothly if you address these issues before a crisis occurs.

Talk first, paperwork later

Starting off with “Where’s your will?” can make people defensive. Begin with what their wishes would be. Who would they want to make decisions for them? Are there any concerns that they would want their family to be aware of? Things that they have been putting off to complete?

Instead of jumping into the end-of-life legal paperwork, take the time to have an open conversation about end-of-life wishes with your elderly parent. It’s a topic that most people don’t like to discuss but it can make all of the difference for you and your siblings in the long run.

Many of our clients are seniors who have moved to Florida to retire. Their children live in other states. We have had several sessions with all of the interested family members via group video conference to lay out all of their options and to make decisions regarding their parents’ affairs.

Who does what

Your parents need to choose someone to fill several roles. Someone who can handle financial affairs under a durable power of attorney. Someone who can make health care decisions as their health care surrogate. Someone who can carry out their wishes after they pass away as their personal representative. Someone who will manage the assets of their deceased loved one as their successor trustee of their living trust.

These roles can all be filled by different family members. For instance, the sister who lives twenty minutes from your parents may be the best person to act as health care surrogate. The brother who is an accountant can handle financial matters under a Durable Power of Attorney.

Pull the records together

Now that the roles of your parents’ decision-makers have been established, a list of the following important documents and records can be compiled and kept by your parents and/or you:

Even if some documents are missing or were signed years ago (e.g. “back in the ‘90s”) it is still wise to contact an attorney who practices in the area of elder law and estate planning for an evaluation to determine how best to handle these documents.

Just knowing where something is does not mean you can use it.

The documents listed in the above task can all be copied. However, having a copy of a parent’s bank statement does not allow one to withdraw money from their account. Looking at a parent’s medical records does not allow one to make decisions regarding their treatment. That authority is given through properly executed documents such as a durable power of attorney and sometimes through a court.

Organizing and completing legal documents are two separate tasks. Completing legal documents for your parents is a good first step. Now, you need to organize the completed documents so they are found when needed.

Keep it from scattering again

Don’t let important papers drift away between 5 different places. Use DokuDocs to safely store copies of important documents of your parents online in their encrypted Dokudocs Vault. Choose the Family or Legacy version to add family members and other relatives like siblings as well as to add professionals such as attorneys, accountants and financial advisors. They will receive a notification if you need access and can refuse access during a waiting period.

DokuDocs allows your parents to remain in control at all times. They will receive a notification when someone attempts to gain access to their important documents and they can deny access at any time during a waiting period.

Whether it is difficult or not to talk about elder law planning with your aging loved ones, the end result will be kind to both of them and to you in the long run.

Remember, this is general information and not intended as specific legal advice. Work with an experienced elder law attorney or estate planning lawyer.